perfect toy (feat. drea bella)

this song is elaborating on a theme from frankenstein in a different way. an alternate title for this could be 'perfect boy', as i wrote this song about not feeling like i was the perfect image that god created. it's somewhat dark, and is also somewhat about not feeling like i fit in with the 'other boys'. i wanted to bring out a sentimental side of me i felt in my earlier music, and explore feeling like i was not the perfect performer in this show.

it's a complicated feeling to explain, but i'll explain some parts of it directly. there are many references to plays, writing, acting, and feeling like things are a performance. especially at the end, i say "i can see the audience of the show" to describe the feeling i have when my curiosity strikes truth. i've always felt like i could somewhat perceive the audience, and that the truth of reality is not necessarily benevolent. it does somewhat feel like my life is a poetic lesson that someone is watching, and whether or not that's a metaphor, this song is supposed to capture that.

it's feeling out of place in reality, but for reasons that are valid, and as such, i wanted to summon my friend andrea on this song, as her voice against mine really solidifes the fluidity of what i was going for. i didn't want this to be a gendered song, i wanted to express my soul beyond what the shackles of this body are. i no longer want to be the perfect toy, the perfect boy, pulled by strings to do the normal things normal people do. i'm okay with being something that can't be named, to live a life that some wouldn't want to